When Holidays Are Hard: Finding Joy at Christmas During Suffering

Are the holidays hard? Are you dealing with suffering or grief this holiday season? Learn how to find joy at Christmas even during suffering!

Even though Christmas is an exciting time of year, the holidays can be very hard for people who are suffering or dealing with grief. It can be difficult to feel any sense of joy when you are struggling so heavily. It is possible to find joy at Christmas (and beyond) during times of suffering. It is possible to find joy even when the holidays are hard. 

Related post: Christmas, Discontentment, and Hallmark Movies

I was recently asked to speak at a women's event. The event was open to the public, but there were also women there who had been invited as guests in order to encourage them as they go through a time of suffering or hardship. The purpose of my talk to was to encourage all them women there that there is joy to be found at Christmas (and always) and to share the how/why behind that. The rest of this blog post is my speech in written form. I hope you enjoy it and find great encouragement no matter what you are going through. 

How to Find Joy at Christmas During Suffering

Several years ago, a friend and I were talking about how nothing we do is a surprise to Jesus. Specifically, we were talking about sin and our struggle to live better lives for God. 

As I lamented my frustration over my sin and my feeling like God must be tired of me by this point, my friend reminded me: When Jesus died for our sins, he already knew every single sin we would commit. He didn't just die for the sins we had committed before we knew him and then expected us to be perfect once we came to know him.

No, he died for every single sin we have committed or ever will commit. He isn't surprised by it, and he doesn't turn his face away from us because of it. Instead, he forgives us and meets us where we are to help us grow and defeat sin slowly. 

Thinking back on this conversation is a good reminder for me. I'm so often tempted to view God as someone who saved me, but then is constantly disappointed in me when I fall short now that I'm a Christian. But this isn't true. This isn't how the gospel works. When we are covered by Jesus' blood and given His righteousness, then that's what God sees. He see's us covered in righteousness, not our shortcomings.

I didn't actually come here to talk about sin. But I started with this story because I believe that when we are dealing with grief or hardship, we can often forget that God already knows everything we are going through. We forget that not only does nothing that we are going through surprise him, but also that our reactions to our struggles don't surprise him either. And he's not callus towards our pain. He wants to hold us and help us.

The Bible puts it this way:

As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him.

For he knows our frame; he remembers that we are dust. (Psalm 103:13-14)

He knows our frame. I've had this phrase on my mind lately.

As a person who struggles with OCD and anxiety, I can sometimes feel so weak and helpless. I can feel like a failure and like God couldn't understand. But the truth is, he knows my frame. He knows me in and out. He actually knows me better than I know myself. And so when I start to feel like a failure, or I hesitate to go to the Lord in prayer, I hear this phrase chiming in my head: he knows my frame.

God is compassionate to us. He knows what we are dealing with. He knows our weaknesses and our struggles and he is compassionate towards us. He knows our frame.

When I was asked to speak at this event, one theme that was very important to us was the fact that, regardless of our circumstances, we can still find joy during the holidays (and year round). No matter what kind of brokenness and pain you are dealing with, you can still have lasting joy that cannot be stolen from you, even in the midst of your hurt.

And then again I thought of "He knows our frame".

I think that the two go together so well. Why? Because if we want to have joy while we are in the pit of despair, we have to remember that Jesus knows our frame. We have to know that he doesn't despise our grief, our pain, or our struggles. Instead, he meets us where we are and cares for us. 

Having joy during times of extreme hardship does not mean that we stuff our grief deep down and pretend that it doesn't exist. It doesn't mean putting on a smile and being fake. Grief is a natural part of dealing with trauma or pain and God, the God of all comfort, cares for you as you grieve.

Real joy doesn't require perfect circumstances because real joy is rooted in Christ.

The broken marriage. The devastating diagnosis. The empty seat at the table. The child that was longed for and lost. The betrayal of a friend. Our worst fears come true.

None of these circumstances can undo Christ's gift of salvation to us. None of these things can separate us from him. Pain and hardship are very real, and Jesus doesn't require us to pretend we aren't hurting.

He isn't surprised by our pain or our grief over it. Instead, he is the friend who never leaves us. He is the comforter who sits with us in our grief and promises that one day every single tear will be wiped away from our eyes permanently. He promises eternal joy that cannot ever be taken. But even while we are here on earth, he reminds us that he cares for us and that he will carry us through. 

We can and will make it through to the other side, even when it feels like our grief will swallow us. We can make it because God is actively with his children. We can make it through because we know that God is still on his throne, despite the pain that has entered the world because of sin. We know that a God who was willing to give his only son for us can be trusted, even when we don't understand why our suffering was allowed to happen. 

John Piper once said: "Weep deeply over the life that you hoped would be. Grieve the losses. Feel the pain. Then wash your face, trust God, and embrace the life that he's given you."

We can have joy right now, because of the future hope we have. Yes, waiting is hard, especially when life on this earth is painful, but the fact that we know we DO have hope a future hope changes everything. If we didn't have Jesus, if we didn't have a future hope, if there was no promise of all our tears being wiped away and all pain and suffering be wiped out, think how much more painful our current circumstances would be. There would be absolutely no purpose, no hope, and no joy. But because we have a good savior who not only saved us but is always with us and always there to comfort us in our pain, we have a reason to be joyful. We can be joyful even in the midst of our pain because Jesus is with us. He knows our frame. He stoops down, lifts our head, and wipes away our tears with understanding and care.

It is such a comfort to know that Jesus isn't surprised by our grief and that he cares about it.

It's a comfort to know that he knows our frame.

It's a comfort to know that our pain is never wasted.

And it's a comfort to know that we can find joy right now, because of the hope we have in Jesus.

So go to Jesus. 

Lay your pain at his feet and trust him with it.

Lay it down daily or hourly or by the minute.

It may take that. 

But lay it at his feet and seek him. 

Seek him in his word. 

Seek him in prayer.

Trust him.

And thank him for the comfort and joy he provides even when your world is shaken.