4 Ways To Have a Fresh Start When Someone Hurts You

Sometimes I think that one of the easiest things in the world to do is to hold onto a grudge. When someone has genuinely hurt us, it's hard to instantaneously forgive and move on. But holding a grudge is never a good idea. We know that. It's not healthy emotionally (or even physically), and it does nothing but cause us problems. But how do we have a fresh start when someone has hurt us? Is that even possible? And do we even want it?

I think most of us would want a fresh start. Maybe not always. There are some people who just too toxic to try to keep around. And in those cases, I have a whole other set of advice. But when it comes to people we love and who are best kept in our lives, we have to figure out the best way to have a fresh start and move forward.

Clearly we can't keep sitting in our anger, hanging onto grudges like they are some kind of silly lifeline. But how do we make the shift? Today I'm sharing 4 Ways to Have a Fresh Start When Someone Hurts You.

Stop Bringing Up the Past

I know, I know. All you can think about is the past sometimes. The unkind words, the unwillingness to be flexible, or the back-stabbing you never expected. I get it. It's hard not to bring up something that cut you deeply. But if you really want a fresh start, you've got to stop bringing up the past.

Did they lie to you last year? If you've already addressed it and worked through it, then don't bring it up again. Did they criticize you in an area you are ultra -sensitive about? Still, if you talked it over already, do not make it an issue again.

After all, how can you have a fresh start if you are constantly dwelling on the stale and imperfect past?

Forgive Their Short-Comings

Forgiveness directly ties into my previous point. This is because if you are constantly mulling someones flaws over in your mind (or throwing them in their face), you are never going to be able to truly forgive them.

Forgiveness doesn't somehow say that what they did was okay, but it does release them from your anger and bitterness, and it tells them that you are willing to wipe the slate clean and start over. But if you are unwilling to forgive, you are going to keep on bringing up their flaws and they are going to feel just as hurt, frustrated, and defeated as you do about the situation.

And friends, think about it this way: What if God forgave like we do? What if God was constantly throwing our short-comings in our face, bringing up our past, and only half-way forgiving us? It'd be a disaster, right? So instead of doing things your own way and holding grudges and bringing up past hurts, do things God's way instead. He's really good at fresh starts.

Don't Let Issues Build Up

Letting issues fester instead of talking to each other respectfully when issues arise is a terrible idea. Chances are, if you avoid communicating your frustrations for very long, you're going to explode and make the situation way worse than it has to be.

As a personal example, last week I was really frustrated by how messy our house was. I felt annoyed because in my brain (which can be a very scary place sometimes 😬😂) it seemed like it wasn't as much of a priority to Taylor as it should be. But I didn't address it and I just let myself continue to be annoyed. Then the following week, when Taylor legitimately didn't have any time to help, I was, um, less than tactful when I finally said something to him. Instead of calmly addressing the fact that I felt like he had been slacking for the past week or so, I acted like a douche-monkey over something else very small.

Long story short? Communicate and don't hold things in. Don't be a douche-monkey! 😋

Take a Look Inward

Make sure you also take time to look inside yourself. Have you contributed to the problem? How might the other person perceive your actions? Try to see it through their eyes before acting out against them.

Sometimes our intentions might not be clear, and it is possible that we've aggravated the situation without realizing it. To have a real fresh start that works and lasts, this is a very important piece of the puzzle. Humility goes a long way.

Starting Fresh Doesn't Mean You Have to Be Taken Advantage Of

Just because you are trying to have a fresh start doesn't mean that you can't say how you are feeling about a situation. You can communicate and say how you feel while still forgiving, giving grace, and moving forward. So don't become a pushover as you try to have a fresh start. Instead, be committed to learning the art of being kind and forgiving, while still being willing to stand up for yourself when necessary. The key is being able to tell the difference, and remembering that the end goal is a fresh start, not necessarily "winning" a debate.

I hope these tips help and encourage you as you navigate the more tricky relationships in your life.